


Biding Time

by Milesforpresident



Category: Degrassi, Degrassi the Next Generation
Genre: Boarding School
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-05-24 23:40:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6171352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milesforpresident/pseuds/Milesforpresident
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Picks up directly after #sorrynotsorry. Miles moves to boarding school after all in an attempt to protect Hunter's secret and focus on his own recovery. However, his concern for his brother grows with each and every passing day, and he'll do what he has to do to come back home and preserve what's left of his family and friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

"And… School?" It was the part of the conversation Hunter and I were both dreading.

"You still have to ask me?"

"C'mon Hunter. Just tell me. Just tell me everything's fine and you learned some new formula. Literally just give me anything."

"School is…School." I had to physically fight the urge to not groan and bury my head in my hands, knowing he would get angry if he saw. I didn't want to leave my brother. I tried my best not to, telling my mother that I was scared to move- What if the new environment set me off? What if I had no friends and felt more alone than before? What if it snowed too much? But every excuse was met with a textbook answer provided to her by my therapist. The woman hadn't had an original thought when it came to me in her life. She'd say these fears were normal; people get scared and try to back out all the time, but this was what I needed. I, Miles Hollingsworth III, being of sound mind and body, had committed to transferring schools after the first semester of my junior year in an attempt to better myself and stay away from triggers that could send me into a downward spiral. Yes, I actually said those stupid words out loud. I really had meant them at the time. I wasn't backing out because I got cold feet- I knew that this school was exactly what I needed. It just wasn't what Hunter needed.

"Who else is going to ask you about this? Mom? Frankie? There must be something you're dying to share." I saw him hesitate and immediately knew something was wrong with him, but I couldn't push him since I wasn't there to pick up the pieces.

"You can't tell anyone."

"Hunter, you know I don't want to, but-"

"No!" He broke away from me, still crying. Still afraid. "What would you even tell them? I-I'll put the gun back and you'll have no proof! I didn't hurt any-" He paused for a second. He turned to face his desk, staring down at his, our, father's gun. He sniffled. "I didn't hurt anyone. I didn't kill anyone." His splotchy face looked back at me, and I was terrified to realize that he could have. He honestly didn't know if he had it in him, but we'll never know how this night could have gone if I hadn't called in the lockdown. The lockdown meant to protect my friends, yes, but mainly to protect him from doing something he could never take back. I had to protect him.

"I won't tell anyone."

"Promise."

"Hunter."

"C'mon. You have to promise." I reached out to him again.

"I promise," I confirmed when he flinched, hoping that he would settle down. He hugged me again, gripping so tightly that I knew I had made the right decision. I knew how weak my brother was.

The only problem with not telling anyone was that I had no good reason to get out of switching schools anymore, despite the fact that I knew leaving him to fight himself alone made absolutely no sense in the world. I didn't go to school for the rest of December, since my mom decided to pull me out as soon as possible. She worked on getting me enrolled while keeping close tabs on me. I didn't get into any trouble; I spent most of the time studying on my own and working on my writing to quell my nerves. The therapist visited a few times as well. I tried to reason with Hunter, saying that if I kept quiet, I would still have to leave. He refused to give in, his fear outweighed everything, only confirming that I was the worst brother for abandoning him. On New Year's Eve, I told him to make me a promise, almost like a resolution. He had to promise to facetime every day. I had to see his face. He begrudgingly agreed, and not five minutes had passed before I was packing my bags. My mother had me on a flight the next day.

"You can't say anything that would make me mad at you," I tried to sound understanding.

"It's nothing really. Just people saying crap."

"What people?"

"Yael."

"Your girlfriend?"

"She's not my girlfriend."

"Uh sorry. I meant a girl friend. What is she saying?"

"She's saying all this stuff about how she can't be around me anymore. I told her I was sorry about the dance, like you said I should." I racked my brain of any knowledge of actually giving him this advice. Most of what Hunter said to me confused the hell out of me. He tried to be as vague as possible, using codewords and euphemisms to hide any semblance of a point he was making. Every scenario was hypothetical. I remember him saying something along the lines of what if I had a plant but instead of giving it water I gave it Gatorade and now it's dying? To which I'm sure whatever my response was translated to apologize to Yael for mistreating her and insulting her at the dance.

"And she didn't accept your apology?"

"No! She got all mad. She said it wasn't a real apology. And some other stuff."

"Well what did you say? How did you apologize?"

"I don't know!" He yelled and stood up from his computer. He started pacing and biting at his nails. "I just tried to apologize to her! I don't know what I said! No one listens to me, Miles. No one understands me. I try to talk to them and they get mad. I try to explain something and they get mad. I try to defend myself and they get mad. Everyone just gets mad at me when I don't even do anything! If I said I'm sorry, why is that not an apology?" He kept going on and on like that, and every time I tried to get in a word he would tell me to shut up and let him think. Hunter had the hardest time trying to express himself, and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why.

"Hunter!" I called out his name to get him to stop when I saw him crying again. "Hunter listen to me. You need to calm down."

"Like it's that simple," he spat out at me.

"Hunter." I swallowed, taking a second to think about what I wanted to say. "Every time you get angry, every time that you feel yourself starting to lose control, I want you to remember what I look like." He just squinted at me, not saying anything. "I want you to remember who I am and what I'm doing here instead of with you and I want you to hate me enough that you swear to yourself that you will never become like me." He still didn't really know what to say, but at least he sat down again. Moments of silence passed between us before my brother eventually broke it.

"How was school for you?"

"Not sure yet," I laughed. "Gotta go talk to my counselor so he can tell me how I feel about it." Hunter loved blatant cynicism and I was happy to be an asshole if he cracked a smile.

"Good luck with that. Later."

"Later." I ended the call and stretched out on my bed, letting my head hit the pillow. I closed my eyes and maybe got in a few minutes of rest before my roommate barreled through the door. "Jesus, Emmett. I was trying to get thirty minutes in." I turned to scowl at him only to realize that his hands overflowed with books and he could barely get to his bed before dropping them everywhere.

"Sorry. I didn't have anything to carry these with."

"Are you starting your research project already? It's not due until the middle of February; you have tons of time."

"Yeah, I have to." Emmett shrugged and moved over to the mirror to check his hair. "Things are starting to get crazy with hockey practice and other crap. I'd rather get this assignment over with while I still have the time."

"Damn I wish I had my life together as much as you do."

"It takes time and effort." He smiled at me. "And natural talent."

"Yeah okay."

"No seriously. With daily practice, I'd say you could make it to half as good as me."

"Screw you," I laughed. Coming to this school, I was a nervous wreck. Arriving in a cab, I had no heartfelt goodbyes, just some random driver impatiently waiting for a tip. Plus, I knew that I was rooming with a guy who was lucky enough to not get paired up with a roommate at the start of the year. I'm sure he was glad to have the place to himself before he was notified that some random was moving in out of nowhere when he got back from winter break. Not that I told him anything about why I was there. I needed the normalcy.

"Speaking of having things to do, I ran into Nick earlier. He was looking for you."

"Nick?"

"Yeah. He didn't say why. Said you would know though." I did my best to look confused.

"Nah, it beats me. Maybe he has a question about physics. He was complaining about it yesterday."

"Probably. I pegged the kid as booksmart, but even in English he looks at me like a lost dog."

"He has other talents." I cleared my throat. "I'm sure."

"Right. Well go figure out what he wants. I want the room to myself. Need to focus."

"Go you!" I jokingly punched out my fist in encouragement and grabbed my jacket before walking out the door.

~*~

Goosebumps covered me immediately upon exiting the dormitory. Clouds obstructed the sun and wind blew into my eyes and through my hair. I caught Nick smoking outside the gates of the campus, technically off school property. Making sure that no one was around first, I leaned over the gate and grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Fuck!" He called out, but smiled when he realized it was just me. "Dude you scared me."

"Emmett told me you were looking for me. What's up?"

"Nothing. Just haven't seen you recently."

"And by recently you mean two days?"

"We live at school, Miles. Five minutes already feels like an eternity." I laughed, and when he offered me a drag I just shook my head and walked out to stand by him. "Did Emmett say anything else?"

"No, why? Got the hots for him?" Nick scowled. "No, he didn't think anything of it. I just told him I was tutoring you."

"I could be into that."

"No can do, actually," I tried to look sad about it for his benefit. "I have a session in like ten minutes or so. Plus, I don't know anything about physics."

"Why that of all things?" I shrugged and watched him smoke in silence. "Are you nervous about counseling?"

"A little. I don't know if I have anything to say really. They've been making me go in once a week, but nothing here ever changes."

"It's good that way though." Nick stomped his cigarette out before smiling up at me. "Thanks for meeting me out here. We literally didn't do anything."

"You're right. It was a total waste of time and I'm a saint for spending it with you."

"Fuck off."

"You can make it up to me later." I kissed him quickly and started walking in the direction of the counseling center. "Go inside!" I yelled out, not sure if he was still standing there or not. "It's freezing out here!"

~*~

I had only been in the counseling office a few times. Part of the agreement with my parents was that if I didn't go to a school specializing in students with mental health issues, I still had to see a counselor once a week. I managed to keep this a secret from everyone but Nick since I got here, so I considered that a success on my part. I couldn't stand the thought of anyone finding out the truth.

"So it's your third week here," Dr. Reiss started, pulling out his notebook. "Still adjusting well, I hope?"

"Yeah, everything's been great. People are pretty nice."

"How are your classes?"

"Challenging. In a good way."

"That's nice to hear. What are you liking in your classes so far?"

"Well, English is probably my favorite. I like writing." Dr. Reiss smiled at that. "Physics is the hardest." For some reason I was still thinking about the most useless class in the world.

"Ah. Physics is fascinating." I wouldn't go that far. "I assume you're learning about Newton?"

"That's day one, Doctor. The three laws and everything." I tapped my head. "Couldn't forget them if I tried."

"Newton had some very interesting ideas. He said 'objects in motion tend to stay in motion.'"

"Yeah," I remembered the first day of physics back at Degrassi. Somehow it felt like years since I'd been there. We had to repeat the three laws over and over and over again to the point that I was sick of them. I muttered them in my sleep. "Unless an external force is applied to it. Unless something else stops it."

"Exactly. Tell me Miles, when you have objects spinning out of control, how big does that force have to be to stop them? What could possibly stop them?"

"I'm not telling you why I'm here."

"I already know why you're here, Miles. But I want to hear it from you, not your mother." He wanted me to tell him why I stopped taking drugs. How I face-planted into rock bottom. He wanted me to tell him what that rock bottom was. I thought about why I was here. I thought about why I wasn't at home. Why I had abandoned Hunter. He needed me and I left him there. Things get hard and Miles Hollingsworth III just gives up and leaves. He doesn't care about anyone but himself. Suddenly Maya was in my head, screaming at me about how I always do the ugly thing, and she was right. I could see the disappointment in Frankie's face when she found my stash and how stone cold Tristan was when he told me I would end up all alone. But he forgave me right? I apologized right? I said I was sorry he had to have known I was sorry. I should have apologized to Maya. I should have apologized to Esme. Where was Esme? My vision started to fail me; my head was pounding and I couldn't breathe. It took everything I could to not yell out how fucking sorry I was for leaving the people I cared about and living it up here while they were left to-

"Miles?" I couldn't answer Dr. Reiss. I didn't care about Dr. Reiss. My family needed me. My friends needed me. Did I even have friends? I thought about Hunter, sitting all alone in his room. Crying. Yelling. No one understood him. No one knew anything about him. Not like I did. "Miles!" What?

I was standing up. I don't even know when I stood up. Dr. Reiss had reached out and touched me on the shoulder, pulling me out of my frenzy. I wasn't even in front of the chair anymore. I was on the opposite side of the room.

"Hold on," Dr. Reiss went over to his desk. "Let me get you a band-aid."

"For what?" Was what I tried to say, but my fingers were in my mouth. I pulled my hand away to realize I was biting at my nails, and my ring finger was bleeding. "I…I'm sorry. I don't know what that was."

"It's alright, Miles. Try and sit back down." He guided me back to the chair and I tried to lower myself down as steadily as possible. "Take a deep breath." I felt myself gain composure and let out a few shaky breaths as my head cleared. "Did I say something that bothered you?"

"What? No." I didn't even remember what we were talking about. "I just…"

"You just what?"

"I just miss Hunter."

"Who is Hunter?"

"My brother."

"I see. It must be difficult to be far away from your family. A lot of the students here feel very homesick. Are you and your brother very close?" I didn't hesitate for a second.

"Yes. We are."


	2. Chapter Two

"Oh hey! Frankie just came out of her room. Don't you want to say hi to her?" Hunter and I had reached an uncomfortable silence, and when we heard the sound of a door slamming, he was more than happy for a change of subject. Problem is, I hadn't talked to Frankie since moving away. She had always kept to herself in our family, doing her own thing and keeping us in the dark. I tried to talk to her once last week, but we barely got as far as hello.

"I don't know. Would she even want to see me?"

"Probably. Frankie!" He looked up and over the phone, so I knew she had walked into the room. "Miles is calling."

"Oh really, Hunter? Is water being wet? Miles calls you every freaking day." I don't know what she had to be angry about on the weekend, but I was more shocked by what she said last than by the overall tone. Our mother never heard our conversations, but clearly Frankie knew. She knew I called all the time and not once asked to talk to me. Did she even ask Hunter about me?

"Frankie!" I yelled out against my better judgment. "Can you just spare a minute?" I was looking up at the ceiling back home for a few seconds while Hunter tried to pass me off to our sister, which sparked the weirdest sense of nostalgia in me. The phone shook too, and I could hear Hunter muttering for her to just take it. I was snatched out of Hunter's hands and found myself facing Frankie as she sat down on the couch and Hunter made his exit.

"Nice to see your face," I offered.

"Yours too." Silence. I didn't really have any idea of what I wanted to say, but I knew we couldn't go on without talking for weeks or even months on end. I needed to know what home was like. Hunter begrudgingly told me about school and his friends, but every time I asked about Frankie or mom or our home he didn't want to give any information at all.

I tried to ask Frankie a few things about her day, or about anything in general, but I was constantly met with snappy, one word responses and glares, and against every fiber of my being that was telling me not to, I felt myself getting angrier with every answer she gave. Clearly her mood wasn't just about me, but she absolutely refused to tell me what went on her life. Didn't she trust me?

"How's mom?"

"Like you care."

"Like I _care_?" I brought my fist in front of my mouth to prevent myself from saying something I would regret, but at that point I was absolutely livid. It was enough that she was dismissing every topic of conversation I brought up, but how could she insist that I didn't give a shit about the things I was asking? "Right, Frankie. Like I care that you barely talk to anyone. Like I care that Mom is losing her family one by one. Like I care that at any moment, Hunter-" I stopped for a split second, but continued on as if I never hesitated. "Like I care whether any of you live or die! Why should I? It's not like I'm a part of this family or anything!"

"You have _never_ wanted to be a part of this family!"

"She speaks! She yells!"

"Shut up, Miles." At that moment, of all times, Emmett walked in and probably thought I was crazy. I was shaking, and starting to sweat a little where I was standing in front of my desk.

"Emmett. Hey."

"I see you're in the middle of something…" I swallowed, not sure how to react to his awkwardness. "I just wanted to get my coat…Gary and I are hanging out."

"Yeah, man. Sure. Sorry." Frankie was still on the phone, maintaining an impatient silence. After Emmett hobbled out, I felt myself calm down. "Frankie, I don't want us to fight. I need you to believe me when I say I never tried to abandon you guys."

"Well," she sighed and gave in. "I wouldn't blame you if you did. This family is all messed up. I'd leave if I could, too."

"I'm telling you, it's not like that."

"I know, I know." She shook her head. "I'm sorry for being awful earlier. It's just that living here is so stressful now. Even more so than when Dad was here, if you can believe it. I just don't like to talk about it."

"Hunter doesn't either."

"He hasn't told you anything?" I frowned.

"Not a word, other than 'it sucks.'" I did my best to impersonate our brother, and it got a laugh out of her at least.

"This place is practically barren. Hunter stays in his room mostly, and so does Mom. You know the hallway on the other side of the kitchen?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm pretty sure I'm the only person who has walked in it the past few weeks. Every time I'm at home, it feels like I'm the only one actually living here. Mom cared about family dinners at first, but she just kept crying because she knew you weren't coming. So we stopped. We all just fend for ourselves, and even Winston hasn't been stalking about like usual. He hates me because I won't date him anymore, and you're not here to help him with his homework, so…" She trailed off.

"Franks, that's awful."

"You're right," She laughed. "I'm left in charge of everything. And I _hate_ talking about it because I'm always living it, you know? I'd like to forget."

"Well you have your friends, right?"

"Not really. I mean, Lola and Shay and I are still close, but it doesn't feel right to talk about this with them. It's not their problem."

"Well-" I started to give her advice, but she cut me off. It was for the best, because I probably had nothing helpful to offer.

"So when we hang out, I can't talk about it. And yet, it doesn't feel right to talk about anything else. They're talking about homework or boys and I'm just like, how can you even care about that when I'm living the way that I am? My mother is literally driving herself crazy."

"If you want me to come back, just say so."

"I can't ask you to do that. I'm not mad at you. To be honest, I'm proud of you, and when you get better… you'll come back and things will work out." I wasn't sure what to say. There was always talk of "getting better." How is something like that even measured? It had been so long since I'd taken drugs that they were completely flushed out of my system. But I wasn't better. How would I know? I decided that this conversation was running its course, and I needed a change of pace. I thanked her for her optimism.

"Alright Frankenstein, put-"

"No one calls me that anymore. Frankenstein? Chewie? Face it, you can't make nicknames stick." Her mood had also improved over the course of our conversation, and I think she was relieved to get out these things that she had kept secret for so long.

"Okay…Well…Disagree…" I shook my head. "Anyway, put Hunter on the phone again."

"Sure, whatever you say. Hunter!" She called out. "Hunter?"

"Where is he? Turn the camera around."

"I don't know; he came out but he's muttering something. I can't listen to two people at once." She flipped the camera around and I saw Hunter at the end of the hallway for a brief second before he darted back into his room. She flipped the camera back and frowned at me.

"I don't know if you picked it up, but he said he doesn't feel like talking anymore."

"Well why the hell not?' Our conversation was cut off prematurely- he was more than happy to pass the phone off to our sister, but I wasn't done.

"I don't think he's feeling well. He's going to lay down. There's a cold going around, too. I've had a sore throat myself." I squinted at her, not sure if she was covering for him or not. We were loyal to each other, if anything. Ultimately, I decided that I had to let it go.

"Fine then. But tell him he has to call me tomorrow. I mean it!" I yelled in case he had peered out into the hallway to eavesdrop.

"Why do you care so much about Hunter?" Frankie asked. She looked genuinely offended for a second. "You guys have to talk every day? I don't see you calling Mom any day. Hunter may not even care that you're not here, but she does."

"Frankie-"

"I'm sorry. I know I said this before." I remembered her saying _this family is all messed up_. There was an implied _you messed it up_ ringing in my head, but I wasn't ready to hear her say it even though I was sure that she thought it. They all thought it. Dad thought it.

"Don't…Don't apologize. Frankie, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry and…and I love you. I miss home, too. I think about you guys every single day, and I promise you that I will fix myself and I will fix this family, okay? I promise. I really mean it. I promise." I looked at her, hoping for a response, hoping for any semblance of forgiveness, but I was met with Frankie's bittersweet smile.

"How long has it been since you've said you love me?" Too long.

"I-"

"You are getting better." She started to cry and I felt my own tears building up in my eyes. They were burning. Every part of me burned with this guilt that I couldn't express even if I tried. "Stay there," was all she said before hanging up on me.

After that complete emotional rollercoaster, I didn't know how to feel. My head was absolutely drained and I was overheated. I closed my eyes for a moment, but restlessness kicked in eventually and I knew I had to get fresh air. Nick usually worked on Saturdays, the worst day of all to work, but I was pretty sure the gas station was near a liquor store. I looked down at my phone, planning for a second before giving Emmett a call.

"Dude! What's up?"

"Uh…how far out are you and Gary?"

"We're not. We've been hanging out in his room for five minutes trying to figure out what to do. If only _someone_ would be decisive!" I heard Gary tell Emmett to be quiet in a less than appropriate way.

"Do you think it would be cool if I went out with you guys?"

"Is everything alright?" He sounded hesitant, and I froze.

"What do you mean?"

"Well… you were being weird? For starters?"

"No, that wasn't anything. My sister just knows how to push my buttons."

"Right. Well if you aren't going to be a total nutjob you can come. Besides, you looked like you could use a drink." He laughed.

"You guys have some?"

"Well, no. We're pretty much out." Perfect. "Gary! Miles gave me an idea."

"What?" It was muffled, but I managed to hear him.

"We're going to Patrick's. Stocking up again."

"Alright, sounds cool."

"Miles, you still there?"

"Yeah."

"Meet us by the gate. We'll walk there." He hung up, and I grabbed my coat as quickly as possible before escaping my room.

* * *

The walk to Patrick's only took twenty minutes, but it seemed longer with the harsh January wind blowing against us. We joked the whole time though, keeping things lighthearted. Gary was one of the funniest people I have ever met. He actually made the history class we had together really fun. Browsing through the selection of liquor took way longer than anticipated. Gary and Emmett bickered for easily half an hour over which brand of whiskey to get, and after they settled on one bottle they moved on to arguing over vodka. I tried to stay patient and give my honest advice despite the fact that I didn't even care about drinking a lot anyway. After they settled on what they wanted and got through the line without any trouble, I motioned to the convenience store next door.

"Let's get snacks too. You guys have no chips left."

"Good point." We walked in, and needless to say, Nick was very surprised to see us.

"Hey guys?" He questioned, shooting me a look in particular. I shrugged.

"I wanted chips."

"Right." I strolled over to the appropriate aisle while Gary and Emmett sat down on top of the ice cream freezer. Nick glared at them, probably to show some sense of loyalty to his job, but he laughed it off and made his way over to me. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Getting booze," I stated matter-of-factly. "And I wanted to see you," I added so our friends couldn't hear. He smiled.

"You just can't get enough," he said at a normal volume, inconspicuously answering both statements. He shook his head and went over to Gary and Emmett to talk to them for a bit while I kept looking through the snacks.

As I came to the front with as much food as I could carry, they were all standing by the counter.

"So how are things between you and Katherine?" Emmett asked Nick suggestively and I froze. Nick bit his lip.

"Nothing is going on between us. We're just friends."

"Dammit." Gary actually sounded disappointed. "We were hoping it was true so we'd know what happened. Just tell us what's going on."

"Wyatt and I decided not to say anything." They both groaned and would have pushed further if I didn't bring the snacks up to pay for them.

"Well, we're just going to be hanging out at Gary's today. It's only going to be us three, so feel free to join." Nick smiled at Emmett.

"Sounds good. I'll catch you guys later."

"Later!" Gary called out, not even waiting for me to get the bags before walking out of the store. I trailed behind Emmett, but turned back to look at Nick one more time before leaving. He winked at me, and I was thankful that the wind blew the blush off my face as I stepped outside.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will take a step back and give backstory on how Miles became friends with Gary and how he and Nick became involved. Also some other names were thrown around here that have not been mentioned yet, but will be in the next chapter. I wanted to add a little something to Miles's boarding school experience so that he gets something out of it before he has to go back home. These characters that I created for the sake of adding to depth to Miles's time away are not central to the story! I promise that once Miles returns home, these people are not going to be seen or heard from again. They may be mentioned offhandedly, but they were only created for the sake of giving Miles people to talk to while he is away.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some fun backstory. Nothing special.

I only started connecting with other students at the end of my first week of school. It started up halfway through the week on January 3. I had had my first counseling session that Friday, which hadn't been as bad as I thought it would be, except for the fact that Dr. Reiss pointed out quickly and unapologetically that I had no friends. Not once did I mention hanging out with anyone, except maybe Emmett when we did homework together, and it became pretty apparent to me where the conversation was headed when he asked if I had a lot of friends at Degrassi. I said yes. I was too humiliated to admit the fact that I didn't really know who was my friend and who wasn't. I rattled off names: Zig, Zoe, Maya, Winston, Tristan, Esme and even Goldi. I worried that wasn't enough and added Vijay, Baaz, and Yael since I would say hi to them when they came over to game with Hunter. I might have mentioned Grace too. We hung out once or twice last Summer, and I don't think she knew me well enough to not like me yet. Dr. Reiss didn't know who these people were. He wouldn't be able to tell. At least I'd like to believe that he didn't. He remained adamant that I made connections at school anyway, so I found myself nosing my way into Emmett's business to the point of being obnoxious. I had to do what I had to do to fit in and move on, and that meant putting fears aside, potentially putting myself in a dangerous position.

"Emmet, my man! The man! Ladies' man!"

"Literally what, Miles?" He laughed, his eyes wide. My snapping and finger guns probably did the trick.

"You must know where all the…Parties are?"

"You party?" I shrugged. "That's news to me. You're quiet. And shifty."  
"No, man. I'm the life of the party. This week has just been weird." Emmett was silent for a moment before returning to checking himself out in the mirror.

"Well you're cool, I guess. My friends and I are hanging out at Gary's dorm tonight. You know Gary?"

"There's a Gary in my history class."

"Probably him. Third period? He's always complaining about it."

"Yeah."

"Alright, so it won't be weird. I'm going over there in a couple hours."

"Yet you're fixing your hair now?"

"I'm always fixing my hair," he laughed, and I couldn't disagree. "But no. I'm swinging by one of the girls' dorms to invite Laura. Gotta look good."

"Ah, I see." I stood up and walked over to my dresser, reaching into the top drawer. I tossed a spray bottle this way. "Use a little bit of this aftershave," I suggested when he caught it and gave me a look. "It's good stuff. Guaranteed to make girls swoon." I smiled to myself, remembering how Zoe always complimented it. There was a time when she was one of my best friends. Emmett took a whiff and then, smiling and nodding appreciatively, sprayed some and patted his face.

"Thanks, man."

"No thanks necessary. I'm just glad you're bringing me out."

"Always room for one more. We're leaving at seven though, so don't make me late." I saluted as he walked out to go see Laura. I spent the next couple of hours debating whether this was actually the right choice. I was going to be surrounded by people I didn't know. I never considered alcohol a problem of mine, but I didn't know how much there was going to be, and I didn't know if other party favors were going to be involved. My leg couldn't stop shaking and I had to keep reminding myself that I could do this. I was only going to hang out. I wasn't going to drink or do anything. I just needed to acclimate myself to the school, get a couple of people in my corner, and get Dr. Reiss off my back. That was it. Emmett would be there, too, so I had someone who could help me if I needed it.

"Just man up, Miles," I told myself. "When did you become such a fucking loser?" The Hollingsworth pool parties used to be legendary and I was never afraid of them. Granted, they always led to trouble, but everyone had fun while they were there. People begged me to be invited even though they were always open invitation. A bunch of nerdy kids at a boarding school couldn't throw a bigger rager than me. I would be just fine. "Just get over yourself for five minutes and make a friend for fuck's sake!" I jumped up from my seat and went to take a shower and get ready.

Emmett came back eventually, overjoyed that Laura and her friends said they would be there, and after I gave him advice on how to act around girls, he patted me on the back and urged me out the door at a quarter to seven. He had absolutely no chill, but I wasn't going to hold him back. Honestly, it would be better to be one of the first people there so I could get used to people as they came in.

"So there will be like, ten of us?" Emmett said as we were walking over. "Everyone's really cool, you'll like them. But, um…" He got quiet for a second, so I stopped walking.

"But what?"

"Well, there's some drama going on with our group right now. It's really stupid"

"Drama? What, did two of you wear the same dress to the prom? Who wore it better?"

"Fuck," he laughed. "No it's not like that. Two of my friends, Nick and Wyatt, used to be roommates, but now they're not."

"What happened?"

"Beats me," he shrugged. "All we really got was that Wyatt wanted Nick gone, but neither of them will say why. Anyway, they don't talk to each other, but we can't just invite one and not the other, because we don't know what happened."

"So am I supposed to stay away from them?"

"If anything, I guess Nick is probably the problem, since he's the one who got kicked out. I don't know. Maybe Wyatt got jealous because his girlfriend and Nick are best friends."

"Weird." I started walking again, and we made it to Gary's dorm after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

What I walked in on was only the beginning of the night, apparently. Everyone was there, and some of the guys were already a little drunk. Gary told me the real party was going on somewhere downtown, but that wasn't until ten. I felt myself tensing up and my chest constricting, when out of nowhere Esme's voice popped into my head. _Don't be such a square_. Whatever tension I felt I knew would be burned out by alcohol, but I still wasn't sure whether it was a good idea. Laura's friend Chenelle gave me a beer, so I took it to be polite. I drank a little bit for the sake of appearances, but not even half of the bottle was gone over the course of the three hours I spent there.

I met a lot of people who seemed nice: Gary, Laura, Chenelle, Jackson, Katherine, and Whitney. Wyatt and Nick were absolutely bizarre. They had this way of sitting next to each other and interacting with every single person in the room except each other. I don't know who else noticed, but I couldn't help but be hyperaware because I didn't know anyone. I'd see them both talking to Katherine, who was apparently Wyatt's girlfriend, and Whitney while completely ignoring each other. I had introduced myself to both of them separately, and neither of them gave me any reason to dislike them. I tried to forget about what Emmett said, because clearly whatever their issue was with each other, it didn't affect the group at all.

At least, I thought it didn't affect the group. About two hours in, Nick was completely off his face. Everyone seemed a little tipsy, but clearly he drank way more. When he hastily made an exit looking like he was about to puke, no one followed him. I was surprised that the second he left, everyone turned to Wyatt.

"What's going on with him?"  
"Seriously, is he okay?"

"Why did you kick him out?"  
"What a fucking mess." Everyone was talking so fast that I didn't know who said what or even catch it all. All I really got was that Nick had been subconsciously ousted from this group because of whatever went down between him and Wyatt. But Wyatt wouldn't say anything.

"I should go check on him," Katherine said, but as she started to get up I shouted out that she shouldn't. Everyone turned to look at me like I was on something, even though I knew for a fact I was more sober than them. If Wyatt was really jealous of Nick and Katherine, then she shouldn't be the one to go see him.

"It's just…You know. He's in the _boys'_ washroom?" She just gave me a blank stare. "And I have to pee anyway. I'll go."

I followed the hallway until I saw the sign for the restroom. "Nick?" I called out, walking in. I couldn't see anything except his legs sticking out of the stall, and the smell permeating throughout the washroom proved that whatever was in his stomach five minutes ago wasn't anymore. "Are you cool?" I made my way over to him and saw him resting his check against the seat of the toilet. I inwardly grimaced, trying to not be overtly judgmental. "Relatively cool, at least?"

"Who the fuck are you?"

"Uh…Miles. I'm Emmett's roommate. We met earlier, but you probably don't remember. Probably won't remember this either." He seemed to take that as a reasonable answer, nodding to himself before he started crying. _Holy shit_. Despite my better judgment I sat down on the other side of the toilet across from him. I didn't mean to peer down, but I did, and I saw the entirety of what he threw up. I reached for the handle and flushed it down before I got sick too.

"Everything is just…shit, you know?"  
"Yeah, I know."

"Everyone's in there, hating me. I can fucking feel it even if they think I can't. Of course Wyatt is the favorite. No one seems to care that I was their fucking friend first!"

"Why would they hate you?"

"I don't know. I don't think Wyatt told them. He said he wouldn't, but I don't know who's loyal and who isn't."

"Is it because of Katherine?" I found myself getting curious, and I figured he would give me all the answers in his current state.

"Katherine? No. I love Katherine, but she's like my sister." He began laughing, and I was adequately freaked out by him. Emotional drunks were so annoying to deal with, even though I probably was one. "Why does it always have to be about girls, you know? Who gives a shit about girls?

"A lot of people…"

"Right. You must get a lot of them."

"Yeah, I've hooked many a girl in my time. A boy too." I don't know why I found myself being honest with him. It was probably because he wouldn't be able to recall anything either of said in the morning. But as soon as I had vaguely mentioned my relationship with Tristan, Nick's eyes changed, and out of nowhere he kissed me. Across the toilet seat. And he tasted disgusting.

It was weird, but it felt oddly sincere and was the first time I'd felt comforted since I'd moved. I found myself kissing him back, trying to ignore the taste and instead focusing on the moment. I was honest with someone. I was connecting with someone. I made a friend. And then I jerked away and scrambled to my feet, getting out of the bathroom and out of the door as quickly as I possibly could. I texted Emmett that Nick was fine, but I was feeling sick too and was just going to go back to the room. I didn't want to pull away, I didn't want to shrink back into myself, but I had to when Esme's voice rang in my ears again. _Like I said, I need friends_. I couldn't stand to be there, remembering what her idea of making friends was.

* * *

"Earth to Miles?" Emmett was looming over me. I hadn't opened my eyes yet, but I could feel him. "If you weren't feeling so hot, why did you go through all my shit and drink my booze?"

"What?" As I opened my eyes, I could feel my head cracking open as well. Massaging my fingers over my face and trying to calm my head down, I tried talking again. "What time is it?"

"It's almost noon. I was going to let you sleep, but at the same time, well…It's almost noon. I'll go get you some water. Try to remember why you thought being a fucking thief was okay before I get back." He slammed the door behind him, to get back at me presumably. It worked, though. The sound jolted through my entire body.

"Asshole." I managed to sit up, and as I planted my feet on the ground, my right foot landed on a glass bottle. It was one of many on the floor. "Oh, man. I guess I'm the asshole." I briefly remember going through Emmett's mini fridge after I got back from the get together. I didn't know what was racing through my mind- too much. I needed it gone. I drank it further down and down into my stomach. I looked down at myself. I was fully clothed, with no puke stains. I didn't have any calls logged on my phone either, so I probably just passed out. No harm done, except for the fact that Emmett would probably be pissed. When he came back in with water, I offered to pay for the case of beer.

"It's fine," he said. "Sorry the party was so shit though."

"What?"

"I'm just saying, if you'd rather ransack my stuff by yourself than party with us, we must be a horrible group."

"It's nothing like that. I was just a little overwhelmed meeting so many people at once, I guess. And then I was talking to Nick and-"

"Did he tell you what went on between him and Wyatt?"

"No…Not really."

"Not really?"

"He didn't." I chugged the water and ignored the rest of his questions. Eventually he got tired of asking. My phone buzzed with a text from Nick. _Got your number from Gary. Need to talk to you._

* * *

He had to wait for about an hour for me to compose myself, but I met up with Nick in a barren corner of the library. Not many people went into the library on Saturdays, and even less wandered up to the third level, according to my new friend. He told me he would usually go there to study before going to work in the afternoons.

"Look…" He said after five minutes of silence. "By some reason unbeknownst to me, I actually remember everything that happened last night. I wish I didn't, but…I'm sorry I was weird. I'm not normally like that."

"I don't usually kiss people I first meet either," I said, trying to be comforting before I realized that wasn't true. "Oh wait. Actually I do."

"So we both made a great first impression," he laughed.

"I don't want to ask you a question you don't want to answer, but… Are you gay?" He was silent for a moment, before he nodded.

"No reason to deny it, I guess. Not after I threw myself at you. After I threw up." He winced. "I'm really sorry about that."

"Is that-"

"Why Wyatt kicked me out? Yeah. I didn't actually have feelings for him. I just came out, and he said that made him feel uncomfortable. He was the first and only person I've told before you." He looked down at his hands. "I thought he was my best friend."

"I'm sorry."

"He told me he wouldn't out me, but it's actually made things worse. Now everyone thinks I'm trying to fuck Katherine when I'm not."

"You could tell them."

"I'm not ready. I thought I was, but after what happened, I don't want to risk it again. I'd rather have fake friends than none at all." I thought of what I said to Dr. Reiss. When I made up my life at Degrassi.

"I understand that."

"So we're cool?" He looked up at me. I smiled and kissed him.

"Wow, you taste like mint now. Nice change."

"Shut up."

"We're cool. We'll keep things cool and casual."


	4. Chapter Four

_"_ _Well, we're just going to be hanging out at Gary's today. It's only going to be us three, so feel free to join." Nick smiled at Emmett._

_"_ _Sounds good. I'll catch you guys later."_

_"_ _Later!" Gary called out, not even waiting for me to get the bags before walking out of the store. I trailed behind Emmett, but turned back to look at Nick one more time before leaving. He winked at me, and I was thankful that the wind blew the blush off my face as I stepped outside._

As much as I had grown to like the large group, I was relieved that there were just four of us that Saturday night. Emmett, Gary, and I had time to chill while I still recovered from the conversation with Frankie. After the first week when I drank all of Emmett's booze in a panic, I put my foot down about drinking less. Alcohol had never been a problem for me, but alcohol is a drug like any other, and I needed to be able to tell the difference between drinking to drink and drinking to get drunk. As hard as it was, I needed to focus on being and staying myself. I was calmly sipping my way through a glass of whiskey at a snail's pace.

"The entire course of human evolution transpired in a shorter time than it's taking you to get through that," Gary laughed.

"I thought you hated history?" I shot back.

"No. I hate regurgitating the names of all our prime ministers. Natural history is dope."

"Make that your senior quote," Emmett muttered as he reached for a beer.

"Maybe I will." Suddenly there was a knock on the door, and someone called out that they were from the committee of student housing. "Shit," Gary muttered as he tried to cap bottles and shove stuff under his covers. The door opened anyway.

"Just kidding guys, it's me." Nick closed the door swiftly behind him and held up a bag of his own snacks that he brought, along with a few bottles of water.

"Wow, thanks mom," I smirked as he sat down next me and handed me the water. I bit my lip as there was a palpable silence between us. I couldn't react in a way that I normally would because I didn't want to out him, or even myself. We both just looked at each other, wanting more to happen but knowing it couldn't.

"No problem, honey." He responded after a second and then turned to the other boys. "And Emmett, darling, don't forget that I'll pick you up from hockey practice next week." Emmett cracked a smile and passed him the vodka. The four of us worked well together. There was no real awkwardness, and we managed to talk without once mentioning Wyatt or Katherine, something I'm sure he was grateful for.

The next morning, I woke up before Emmett. I stepped out into the hallway and tried calling Hunter. I texted him while I was hanging out with everyone, wanting to see if he was alright. Well actually, I wrote, _I heard there's a sore throat going around. Do your knees hurt too?_ It was an over the top, douche-y question, and I was expecting him to shoot back something equally awful to combat me, like _Shut up, jerkwad. That's more your thing anyway, isn't it?_ But he didn't. I wasn't going to make him facetime or skype, but I hoped he would at least answer the phone. Nothing. It just went to voicemail. I debated what I could say, but hung up instead and vowed to try him back later. I called again after dinner, but still nothing.

"Did you forget our promise? I didn't forget our promise," I spat into the receiver when his voicemail picked it up. I could have called the house, but then there was the chance that my mom would answer.

* * *

On Monday, I called Frankie after classes got out. She sounded absolutely frazzled, and like talking to me was the last thing she wanted to do.

"So you don't talk to me for weeks, and now here's the second call in three days?"

"I called Hunter first thing this morning and he didn't pick up. He hasn't answered my texts. Where the hell is he?"

"Oh, so it's about Hunter. Back to square one."

"What are you talking about?"

"Did you hit your head this weekend? I thought you gave a crap about me."

"I do care, Frankie." I looked around the quad, thankful that no one was really trying to hang out in the snow. Nick wasn't smoking in his usual spot, even though his nicotine addiction usually drew him out multiple times a day. "Can you believe me when I say that this is more important right now? I'm sorry it's not about you, but-"

"Well then _when_ , Miles? When is it going to be about me? When am I going to be important? First Jonah, and now _you_ -"

"Jonah?"

"My boyfriend. Kind of. I'm not really sure where we stand. He does, but it doesn't seem to occur to him that I should be in the know. Tiny was a total jerk to Shay, but at least he had the sense to be honest about how he felt."

"Jonah… the senior?"

"Yeah."

"Frankie, you're a sophomore."

"Like that means anything. I like him, and I thought he liked me. The hot and cold nonsense is so juvenile."

"I'm sorry. Boys are assholes." She laughed and was quiet for a moment.

"Hunter hasn't done anything. Actually, he's been pretty studious."

"Studious?"

"Yeah. He hasn't been talking to us recently, locked up in his room and all. But he comes back with library books and stuff and I think he's just keeping his head down. Working on his grades for once."

"That's bizarre."

"You're right. That's the weirdest thing that's happened to us the past year." I scowled at nothing in particular.

"So he's not picking up the phone because he's studying?"

"I'm assuming. We don't have any class periods in common for the first time ever, so I can't keep track of him all day. Shay, Lola, and Jonah give me enough to think about."

"Confront Jonah. Just because boys suck doesn't mean you have to let them. You can make the first move, too you know?"

"Make the first move how?"

"Ask him to take you to the movies, or whatever children do because _you're still a sophomore-_ "

"I'm one year younger than you, idiot. And I've dated Winston."

"Winston is only one year older."

"You're ridiculous. One second you're one of my girlfriends and now you're my mom."

"That's what being an older brother is."

"Well I'll talk to you later, _bro_."

"Later, Frankenstein." I hung up before she could protest the nickname. When I turned around again, I spotted Nick by the fence again. He made eye contact with me and waved me over. I followed the shoveled sidewalk instead of taking a shortcut through the snow. When I reached him he blew smoke into my face. I waved it away from me and flipped him off.

"Just because I stand with you doesn't mean I want to get lung cancer."

"Didn't you tell me last week that you used to smoke weed?"

"Not the same as cigarettes."

"You have a screwed sense of morals."

"Me? I'm pretty sure during that exact same conversation you said weed was bad for me, hypocrite." We were more friends than anything else when all was said and done. There were occasional benefits, which we both appreciated, but most of all it was nice having someone to talk to. We were real with each other in ways that I couldn't be real with Emmett, Gary, or the rest. They reminded me too much of Winston. They were funny. They were loyal. But they wouldn't be able to handle everything. Every time I thought of Winston I felt something in my chest tearing. We drifted apart when I spent more and more time with Esme. We reconnected because Winston came to pick Frankie up for the dance, and when she awkwardly dumped him in front of me I suggested we go to the movies. It seemed like our friendship might have gotten back on track, but Hunter's situation took over everything, and again it proved to be too much for him to handle and I hadn't heard from him once after that night. Now that I hadn't heard from Hunter in days, I worried that another situation was right around the corner. And I wouldn't be there to stop it.

"Miles? You still with me?"

"Yeah, just thinking about Hunter."

"You know, for someone who mentions Hunter so much, you don't really talk about him."

"There's some stuff I just won't talk about."

"Alright, then. I won't push." He took another drag and thought of a new conversation topic. "Actually, Emmett is coming to hang out with me."

"What? I _knew_ you were into Emmett! I told you!" He laughed.

"Never. Besides, Emmett and Laura are practically attached at the hip. I'm not into clinginess."

"Do you think he'll ever actually ask her out? I've been working on it and giving him advice, but he keeps flaking."

"Maybe she'll ask him. It looks pretty mutual from where I'm standing. Anyway, I called him out because I wanted to talk to him."

"About?"

"I think I should tell him. What happened with me and Wyatt."

"Are you sure? Wouldn't Wyatt hate that?" They had both agreed to not say anything, and it seemed weird that he would confess to Emmett of all people after taking a vow of silence.

"It doesn't really matter what Wyatt thinks. I'm not going to trash talk him or anything. I just need to be honest about myself. And I trust Emmett. After he invited me to hang out with you guys the other day, I realized that he's been a good friend to me for a long time and I haven't given him enough credit lately. I want to try coming out again."

"Do you want me here when you do?" He shook his head.

"No. I won't tell him about us, so you don't have to get wrapped up in it." I nodded and kissed him on the cheek. "Good luck."

I walked back to my room and collapsed face first onto my bed. My hand dragged against the carpet floor and I just laid there, thinking about nothing in particular, and yet everything at once. The cold from outside caught up to me and I started to sniffle. I wiped my nose on my sheets before propping myself up on my elbows and trying to call Hunter one more time. I guess New Year's Resolutions never last anyway. When Emmett walked in, I asked him what was up. I didn't want to seem like I was asking about anything in particular.

"Nothing much. Classes were rough today. Wyatt's an asshole."

"What did Wyatt do?" Emmett was silent and looked slightly remorseful for mentioning it. I smiled inwardly at his loyalty. He was literally a golden retriever. "Does it have anything to do with Nick?"

"He told you?"

"Yeah, a couple weeks ago. I suggested that he should tell other people. I'm glad he found the courage."

"It's just…" Emmett buried his head in his hands as he sank into his own bed. Was he about to cry? Jesus Christ. "It sucks when people feel like they're wrong, you know? Nick's a good guy. I had no idea that he was going through this. We were all ready to blame him and he was just going to take it. He'd rather have everyone hate him than just say how he felt."

"I…Didn't know you were such a sensitive guy, Emmett." I had not once seen him in any state of being other than confident with the occasional pit stop of dorkiness, and this conversation went from zero to sixty on the scale of surreal.

Emmett was silent for a bit, and then found a new resolve to confess his own feelings to Laura. Part of me wanted to tell him to think it through, but the other part of me knew that he had wanted to ask her out for months. It was about time, to be honest. Plus I was thoroughly confused at his shift in demeanor and didn't have the energy for a serious conversation. "I should freshen up first. Can I borrow your cologne?"

"The one Zoe likes?"

"Who?" I couldn't believe I said that out loud. I had multiple bottles in different scents depending on what I wanted to go for on any given day. I never referred to them by brand or name, but by the people who liked them. One of them was always complimented by Zoe. One was Maya's favorite. And then there was a third that I was always lending to Winston, so I called it Chewie.

"It's nothing. Just grab it out of the top drawer."

"Okay…" He started rifling through my things. "Maybe I should call you Millicent."

"What?"

"Is that not the girl version of Miles?" He shrugged. "You just have way too many beauty products. What self-respecting guy has this many varieties of lotion?"

"Shut up. The cologne you want is the…" What was it actually called? "The Givenchy one." He held it up and I nodded my head in conformation.

"Thanks."

"Don't worry about it. Just act cool around Laura. Don't put any pressure on her to say yes."

"I won't. I'll be calm, cool, and collected." He smiled.

"You've got this."

* * *

Emmett didn't come back until hours later. When he first walked in, I couldn't gauge his expression; it was too dark. I thought, _This could go any number of ways. Either all went well and they hooked up, or she rejected him point blank and he's been getting drunk at Gary's. If he's on a bender right now, I swear to God-_

"Dude," he said, and I still didn't know how to react.

"What's up?" I kept neutral. He turned on the light and I immediately shielded my eyes. "A little warning, maybe?" Considering the fact that one of the lightbulbs was directly above my bed, it shot directly into my face and I was ready to embrace death in that exact moment. I rubbed the purple away from my vision eventually and I turned to my sheepish friend.

"Sorry," he shrugged. "I'm just too excited." _Excited?_

"Excited?" I asked aloud. "Excited! It went well!" I sat up in my bed, definitely invested in having this conversation. I hoped his positivity would rub off onto me. "Tell me what happened."

"Well," he couldn't keep the smile off his face. He pulled my desk chair towards my bed and straddled it. I laughed, not really meaning to. It always surprised me how cool he appeared at first glance with his mannerisms and his perfect hair that he spent hours fixing every day, but all of that completely shattered the second he opened his mouth. He was one of the dorkiest people I've ever met. "I went to Laura's dorm."

"I figured. I got that part."

"Yeah, and I almost got in trouble for being in the girls' dorm after hours, but she pulled me in before the committee of student housing did its rounds. I had to hide in her closet for a few minutes, but no one saw me." I nodded, trying to control my grimace at the image brought to my mind of me and Esme hiding in my father's closet.

"Okay, and so after…" I gestured for him to keep going. "You made like Nick and came out of the closet and then what?" Emmett laughed.

"Well Whitney was giving me weird looks. I had said that I was coming over for a homework question, but she didn't believe it for a second. She seemed to get some kind of hint and said she was going to Chenelle and Katherine's room. So it was just me and Laura. I told her that I didn't really have a homework question, and she said she wasn't stupid."

"It was very astute of her to see through that ruse."

"Shut up! I panicked. Anyway, I told her that ever since I started going to school here that I appreciated that she introduced herself to me and invited me into the group. She probably knew where I was going with it because she smiled and urged me to keep talking. And then I said that learning about her has been more interesting than anything I've learned in class-"

"That's smooth."

"She thought so! I told her I was interested in her and asked her out, and at that point she was practically jumping up and down in excitement."

"So…" I waggled my eyebrows. "What did you do for the other two hours?"

"Nothing! We just hung out like normal, but there was this new understanding between us. Whitney came back in and I spent time with both of them. That's all. We're going on a date Friday night."

"Congratulations, man." My smile was dim in comparison to Emmett's beaming. We talked about this and that for a few hours before I ended up falling asleep.

Wednesday trudged on endlessly. My leg shook up and down with each ticking of the clock and by the time my classes were out for the day I ran out of the classroom to try calling my brother again. I knew I was being ridiculous. If he was actually focusing on his GPA and committing to academia I should have been happy. I should have respected his space. But there was something in me that didn't believe it for a second. My brother doesn't just keep his head down. He never has. He was hiding something from me. He had to be. He still wasn't answering. I lost myself in my thoughts as I walked back to my dorm alone. I needed the time to think, but by the time I got back to my room I was completely burnt out. Emmett was working on some assignment, but he pulled away from it long enough to say hi to me when I walked in.

"Hey," I stammered out, beelining for my desk chair.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, it's fine. Long day. I just…"

"Do you wanna talk about it?" I debated whether _not with you_ was an appropriate answer. It wasn't that I didn't trust him. It wasn't that I didn't think he would give honest, helpful advice. It was just that I was so tired of talking to people who didn't know anything. Ever since I moved, I was dropped into this surreal, alternate world in which no one knew who I was. And what had once been exhilarating and appealing about that at first was now tiresome. Nick knew I had meetings with Dr. Reiss. I explained it away as anxiety and he was understanding, but I didn't go into detail much more than that. And the rest of my friends here knew even less than him. And maybe my head shouldn't be stuck back home. I could have focused on my new friends and my new classes, but my mind always dragged me back. I had only talked to Hunter and Frankie, who gave me little bits of details about themselves and not much else. I needed to know what I was missing out on. I needed to know what fake statuses online wouldn't tell me.

"I'm just homesick, I guess." Emmett's smile lowered itself into a tight line. He looked back down at his homework, and I couldn't figure out what exactly was wrong with what I said. In theory I would have apologized, but I didn't get what I would apologize for, so I opened my computer. The icon for Skype stood out to me, and I considered getting in contact with someone else. Someone who I could really talk to. I opened it up and searched through my contacts for that one name. _Zoe Rivas_. Seeing that she was online, I clicked her name and waited with bated breath for her to answer.


End file.
